Conscious Discipline Cheat Sheet

With GE acceptances finally turning up in mail boxes, spring is School Touring Season for many O'ahu families. As you tour, you'll likely hear the phrase "we don't use any punitive time-outs" repeated a few times - in private and public schools alike. That's great! Of course, this statement begs the question, "then how do you address challenging behaviors from your students?" When I've asked this question at various schools, Conscious Discipline has been included in the response almost every time.

For parents wanting a primer, this Discipline Tips page is a nice introduction - a great 'busy parent's cheat sheet.' Since Conscious Discipline is also used in my Little One's preschool, I've had a couple of years to watch the teachers put it into practice.

Here are some of the main takeaway points I've gleaned from Conscious Discipline as it is practiced at our school:

1. It is natural that children and adults alike get frustrated when things aren't going their way. Try to see a melting down or misbehaving child in a generous light, or to 'assume positive intent,' rather than amplifying the situation by assuming the worst motivations for their actions. Seeing the child's motivations in their best light both calms you and makes the child feel safer, and more loved. It is then easier to come together to find solutions.

2. Calm yourself and focus on your child before acting. You can't teach your child calming tactics while freaking out yourself, nor while mentally focusing on what other people might be thinking of you.

3. Conflicts are an opportunity to teach your child more productive ways to deal with problems and frustration, and to teach strategies to manage upset and disappointment. So, first help your child calm down - with patience, breathing, listening, and words. Try to accurately identify what your child is feeling and why, to help them understand their emotions and motivations.

4. Once the child is calm, then offer more productive choices or a redirection.

5. Before a conflict begins, consider your requests - are they reasonable? Is there any way to empower your child to make productive decisions? One principle of Conscious Discipline is that 'children learn to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following commands.' When you can give your child a choice between two acceptable options, it is often good to do so.

6. Give commands in a way that help your child clearly visualize what they should do. Try saying "Walk" instead of "Don't run" - as 'don't run' immediately makes anyone think of running (and, yes, want to run).

7. Help children understand their emotions, the emotions of others, and to set their boundaries in assertive, rather than aggressive, ways. Try to lead through example, for they will learn most through watching you.

All in all, I've really been appreciative of Conscious Discipline since first being introduced to it - and the Discipline Tips page is a great primer.